Monday, 25 July 2016
Quote for the day
“Help people. When people are desperately trying to sell, help them and buy. When people are enthusiastically trying to buy, help them and sell.” - John Templeton
Sunday, 24 July 2016
10 Proven Habits of Happy People
Discover what the happiest people already know.
By Lolly Daskal
If there's one desire that humans universally share, it's happiness. For Americans, "the pursuit of happiness" is even written into the Declaration of Independence.
But the results of that pursuit vary greatly. Some people remain sunny even in the worst of circumstances; others are unhappy despite being surrounded by blessings.Part of that difference is genetic predisposition, but it's estimated that up to 40 percent of our happiness depends on actions and thoughts we can control.
So what do the happiest people do to foster that happiness?
1. They smell the roses. Those who are happiest know how to stop and be present in the moment. They slow down and pay attention and don't live inside their screens. They know that each moment matters, and they savoir all the experiences of life. Even in hard times, they don't try to escape but instead find something beautiful or positive to focus on.
2. They don't sweat the small stuff. The happiest people focus their efforts only on things that meet two tests: It has to be truly important, and it has to be within their control. Learning to ignore things you can't do anything about, or that aren't a good use of your time, is one of the surest ways to being happy.
3. They persist in challenging times. Happy people thrive on challenges. They see failure not as a bad ending but as the setup to trying again, to a new and better-informed effort. They understand that difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. Those who can move past, let go, and work with what they have turn out to be not only the happiest people but also the most successful, because they know how to persist in challenging times.
4. They commit to their goals and visions. Those who are happiest dream big, then turn their dreams into goals and get to work achieving them. They understand that either of these elements without the other is cause for frustration and dissatisfaction. You have to first determine what it is you want and why you want it, then commit everything you have to attaining it.
5. They surround themselves with happy people. Happy people know that the company you choose has a huge impact on how you feel, what you think, and how you act. Being around positive people gives you a positive outlook, and negative people are just as infectious. It may not be possible to completely avoid exposure to negative and chronically unhappy people, but you can minimise the effects by refusing to engage in their patterns of thinking.
6. They take care of their bodies. The body and the mind are connected, so if you don't take care of your physical energy, your mental energy cannot flourish. When you nourish your body with sound sleep, good food, and exercise, you nurture your soul.
7. They develop coping strategies. Our characters are shaped by how we react to circumstances--especially when things go bad. A strong arsenal of coping strategies lets happy people deal positively with challenges. Being prepared for tough times keeps life's problems from becoming overwhelming, and good management of bad experiences leads to growth and happiness.
8. They give more than they take. The happiest people prefer giving to receiving. They know the more they give, the more they have. Generosity and a commitment to helping others generates happiness and drives success. The very best way to be happy is to lose yourself in giving to others.
9. They stand at the edge of discomfort. Achievement doesn't happen without taking risks, and the happiest people are never content to hang around where they're comfortable. They don't wait for the perfect moment--they make the moment perfect with their willingness to be uncomfortable.
10. They nurture their relationships. It is almost impossible to be happy in the absence of deep meaningful relationships. Connection with others fosters happiness, and nurturing relationships in a way that builds deep connection--allowing people into your life--allows them to accept your past, support your present, and encourage your future.
If you want to be happier--and really, who doesn't want to be happier?--measure yourself against these 10 habits, pick a starting place, and get to work. The payoff is tremendous.
By Lolly Daskal
If there's one desire that humans universally share, it's happiness. For Americans, "the pursuit of happiness" is even written into the Declaration of Independence.
But the results of that pursuit vary greatly. Some people remain sunny even in the worst of circumstances; others are unhappy despite being surrounded by blessings.Part of that difference is genetic predisposition, but it's estimated that up to 40 percent of our happiness depends on actions and thoughts we can control.
So what do the happiest people do to foster that happiness?
1. They smell the roses. Those who are happiest know how to stop and be present in the moment. They slow down and pay attention and don't live inside their screens. They know that each moment matters, and they savoir all the experiences of life. Even in hard times, they don't try to escape but instead find something beautiful or positive to focus on.
2. They don't sweat the small stuff. The happiest people focus their efforts only on things that meet two tests: It has to be truly important, and it has to be within their control. Learning to ignore things you can't do anything about, or that aren't a good use of your time, is one of the surest ways to being happy.
3. They persist in challenging times. Happy people thrive on challenges. They see failure not as a bad ending but as the setup to trying again, to a new and better-informed effort. They understand that difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. Those who can move past, let go, and work with what they have turn out to be not only the happiest people but also the most successful, because they know how to persist in challenging times.
4. They commit to their goals and visions. Those who are happiest dream big, then turn their dreams into goals and get to work achieving them. They understand that either of these elements without the other is cause for frustration and dissatisfaction. You have to first determine what it is you want and why you want it, then commit everything you have to attaining it.
5. They surround themselves with happy people. Happy people know that the company you choose has a huge impact on how you feel, what you think, and how you act. Being around positive people gives you a positive outlook, and negative people are just as infectious. It may not be possible to completely avoid exposure to negative and chronically unhappy people, but you can minimise the effects by refusing to engage in their patterns of thinking.
6. They take care of their bodies. The body and the mind are connected, so if you don't take care of your physical energy, your mental energy cannot flourish. When you nourish your body with sound sleep, good food, and exercise, you nurture your soul.
7. They develop coping strategies. Our characters are shaped by how we react to circumstances--especially when things go bad. A strong arsenal of coping strategies lets happy people deal positively with challenges. Being prepared for tough times keeps life's problems from becoming overwhelming, and good management of bad experiences leads to growth and happiness.
8. They give more than they take. The happiest people prefer giving to receiving. They know the more they give, the more they have. Generosity and a commitment to helping others generates happiness and drives success. The very best way to be happy is to lose yourself in giving to others.
9. They stand at the edge of discomfort. Achievement doesn't happen without taking risks, and the happiest people are never content to hang around where they're comfortable. They don't wait for the perfect moment--they make the moment perfect with their willingness to be uncomfortable.
10. They nurture their relationships. It is almost impossible to be happy in the absence of deep meaningful relationships. Connection with others fosters happiness, and nurturing relationships in a way that builds deep connection--allowing people into your life--allows them to accept your past, support your present, and encourage your future.
If you want to be happier--and really, who doesn't want to be happier?--measure yourself against these 10 habits, pick a starting place, and get to work. The payoff is tremendous.
Source: www.inc.com
Quote for the day
"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave." - Mary Tyler Moore
Saturday, 23 July 2016
50 Common Cognitive Distortions
By Alice Boyes Ph.D.
Becoming mindful of these common cognitive distortions will help you understand yourself and other people better, and improve your decision making.
1. Personalising.
Taking something personally that may not be personal. Seeing events as consequences of your actions when there are other possibilities. For example, believing someone’s brusque tone must be because they’re irritated with you.
2. Mind reading.
Guessing what someone else is thinking, when they may not be thinking that.
3. Negative predictions.
Overestimating the likelihood that an action will have a negative outcome. More info in my book here.
4. Underestimating coping ability.
Underestimating your ability cope with negative events.
5. Catastrophizing.
Thinking of unpleasant events as catastrophes.
6. Biased attention toward signs of social rejection, and lack of attention to signs of social acceptance.
For example, during social interactions, paying attention to someone yawning but not paying the same degree of attention to other cues that suggest they are interested in what you’re saying (such as them leaning in).
7. Negatively biased recall of social encounters.
Remembering negatives from a social situation and not remembering positives. For example, remembering losing your place for a few seconds while giving a talk but not remembering the huge clap you got at the end.
8. Thinking an absence of effusiveness means something is wrong.
Believing an absence of a smiley-face in an email means someone is mad at you. Or, interpreting “You did a good job” as negative if you were expecting “You did a great job.”
9. Unrelenting standards.
The belief that achieving unrelentingly high standards is necessary to avoid a catastrophe. For example, the belief that making any mistakes will lead to your colleagues thinking you're useless.
10. Entitlement beliefs.
Believing the same rules that apply to others should not apply to you. For example, believing you shouldn’t need to do an internship even if that is the normal path to employment in your industry.
11. Justification and moral licensing.
For example, I’ve made progress toward my goal and therefore it’s ok if I act in a way that is inconsistent with it.
12. Belief in a just world.
For example, believing that poor people must deserve to be poor.
13. Seeing a situation only from your own perspective.
For example, failing to look at a topic of relationship tension from your partner’s perspective.
14. Belief that self-criticism is an effective way to motivate yourself toward better future behaviour.
It’s not.
15. Recognising feelings as causes of behaviour, but not equally attending to how behaviour influences thoughts and feelings.
For example, you think “When I have more energy, I’ll exercise” but not “Exercising will give me more energy.”
16. All or nothing thinking.
e.g., "If I don’t always get As, I’m a complete failure."
17. Shoulds and musts.
For example, "I should always give 100%." Sometimes there are no important benefits of doing a task beyond a basic acceptable level.
18. Using feelings as the basis of a judgement, when the objective evidence does not support your feelings.
e.g., "I don’t feel clean, even though I’ve washed my hands three times. Therefore I should wash my again." (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder example).
19. Basing future decisions on “sunk costs.”
e.g., investing more money in a business that is losing money because you’ve invested so much already.
20. Delusions.
Holding a fixed, false belief despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. For example, believing global warming doesn’t exist. Or, believing you’re overweight when you’re 85lbs.
21. Assuming your current feelings will stay the same in the future.
For example, “I feel unable to cope today, and therefore I will feel unable to cope tomorrow.”
22. Cognitive labelling.
For example, mentally labelling your sister’s boyfriend as a “loser” and not being open to subsequent evidence suggesting he isn’t a loser.
23. The Halo Effect.
For example, perceiving high calories foods as lower in calories if they’re accompanied by a salad.
24. Minimising.
e.g., “Yes I won an important award but that still doesn’t really mean I’m accomplished in my field.”
25. Magnifying (Cognitively Exaggerating).
For example, blowing your own mistakes and flaws out of proportion and perceiving them as more significant than they are.
Making a mountain out of a molehill, but not quite to the same extent as catastrophizing.
26. Cognitive conformity.
Seeing things the way people around you view them. Research has shown that this often happens at an unconscious level.
27. Overgeneralising
Generalising a belief that may have validity in some situations (such as “If you want something done well, you should do it yourself.”) to every situation. This is a type of lack of psychological flexibility.
28. Blaming others.
29. Falling victim to the “Foot in the Door” technique.
When someone makes a small request to get a “Yes” answer, then follows up with a bigger request, people are more likely to agree to the big request than if only that request had been made.
30. Falling victim to the “Door in the Face” technique.
When someone makes an outlandish request first, then makes a smaller request, the initial outlandish request makes the smaller request seem more reasonable.
31. Focusing on the amount saved rather than the amount spent.
e.g, Focusing on the amount of a discount rather than on whether you’d buy the item that day at the sale price if it wasn’t listed as on sale.
32. Overvaluing things because they're yours.
e.g., perceiving your baby as more attractive or smart than they really are because they're yours.
Or, overestimating the value of your home when you put it on the market for sale because you overestimate the added value of renovations you've made.
33. Failure to consider alternative explanations.
Coming up with one explanation for why something has happened/happens and failing to consider alternative, more likely explanations.
34. The Self-Serving Bias.
3. Negative predictions.
Overestimating the likelihood that an action will have a negative outcome. More info in my book here.
4. Underestimating coping ability.
Underestimating your ability cope with negative events.
5. Catastrophizing.
Thinking of unpleasant events as catastrophes.
6. Biased attention toward signs of social rejection, and lack of attention to signs of social acceptance.
For example, during social interactions, paying attention to someone yawning but not paying the same degree of attention to other cues that suggest they are interested in what you’re saying (such as them leaning in).
7. Negatively biased recall of social encounters.
Remembering negatives from a social situation and not remembering positives. For example, remembering losing your place for a few seconds while giving a talk but not remembering the huge clap you got at the end.
8. Thinking an absence of effusiveness means something is wrong.
Believing an absence of a smiley-face in an email means someone is mad at you. Or, interpreting “You did a good job” as negative if you were expecting “You did a great job.”
9. Unrelenting standards.
The belief that achieving unrelentingly high standards is necessary to avoid a catastrophe. For example, the belief that making any mistakes will lead to your colleagues thinking you're useless.
10. Entitlement beliefs.
Believing the same rules that apply to others should not apply to you. For example, believing you shouldn’t need to do an internship even if that is the normal path to employment in your industry.
11. Justification and moral licensing.
For example, I’ve made progress toward my goal and therefore it’s ok if I act in a way that is inconsistent with it.
12. Belief in a just world.
For example, believing that poor people must deserve to be poor.
13. Seeing a situation only from your own perspective.
For example, failing to look at a topic of relationship tension from your partner’s perspective.
14. Belief that self-criticism is an effective way to motivate yourself toward better future behaviour.
It’s not.
15. Recognising feelings as causes of behaviour, but not equally attending to how behaviour influences thoughts and feelings.
For example, you think “When I have more energy, I’ll exercise” but not “Exercising will give me more energy.”
16. All or nothing thinking.
e.g., "If I don’t always get As, I’m a complete failure."
17. Shoulds and musts.
For example, "I should always give 100%." Sometimes there are no important benefits of doing a task beyond a basic acceptable level.
18. Using feelings as the basis of a judgement, when the objective evidence does not support your feelings.
e.g., "I don’t feel clean, even though I’ve washed my hands three times. Therefore I should wash my again." (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder example).
19. Basing future decisions on “sunk costs.”
e.g., investing more money in a business that is losing money because you’ve invested so much already.
20. Delusions.
Holding a fixed, false belief despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. For example, believing global warming doesn’t exist. Or, believing you’re overweight when you’re 85lbs.
21. Assuming your current feelings will stay the same in the future.
For example, “I feel unable to cope today, and therefore I will feel unable to cope tomorrow.”
22. Cognitive labelling.
For example, mentally labelling your sister’s boyfriend as a “loser” and not being open to subsequent evidence suggesting he isn’t a loser.
23. The Halo Effect.
For example, perceiving high calories foods as lower in calories if they’re accompanied by a salad.
24. Minimising.
e.g., “Yes I won an important award but that still doesn’t really mean I’m accomplished in my field.”
25. Magnifying (Cognitively Exaggerating).
For example, blowing your own mistakes and flaws out of proportion and perceiving them as more significant than they are.
Making a mountain out of a molehill, but not quite to the same extent as catastrophizing.
26. Cognitive conformity.
Seeing things the way people around you view them. Research has shown that this often happens at an unconscious level.
27. Overgeneralising
Generalising a belief that may have validity in some situations (such as “If you want something done well, you should do it yourself.”) to every situation. This is a type of lack of psychological flexibility.
28. Blaming others.
29. Falling victim to the “Foot in the Door” technique.
When someone makes a small request to get a “Yes” answer, then follows up with a bigger request, people are more likely to agree to the big request than if only that request had been made.
30. Falling victim to the “Door in the Face” technique.
When someone makes an outlandish request first, then makes a smaller request, the initial outlandish request makes the smaller request seem more reasonable.
31. Focusing on the amount saved rather than the amount spent.
e.g, Focusing on the amount of a discount rather than on whether you’d buy the item that day at the sale price if it wasn’t listed as on sale.
32. Overvaluing things because they're yours.
e.g., perceiving your baby as more attractive or smart than they really are because they're yours.
Or, overestimating the value of your home when you put it on the market for sale because you overestimate the added value of renovations you've made.
33. Failure to consider alternative explanations.
Coming up with one explanation for why something has happened/happens and failing to consider alternative, more likely explanations.
34. The Self-Serving Bias.
The self-serving bias is people's tendency to attribute positive events to their own character but attribute negative events to external factors.
35. Attributing strangers' behaviour to their character and not considering situational/contextual factors.
36. Failure to consider opportunity cost.
For example, spending an hour doing a low ROI task and thinking "it's only an hour" and not considering the lost potential of spending that hour doing a high ROI task.
37. Assumed similarity.
The tendency to assume other people hold similar attitudes to your own.
38. In-group bias.
The tendency to trust and value people who are like you, or who are in your circle, more than people from different backgrounds.
39. "You don't know what you don't know."
Getting external feedback can help you become aware of things you didn't even know that you didn't know!
40. The tendency to underestimate how long tasks will take.
41. The belief that worry and overthinking will lead to problem solving insights.
In fact, overthinking tends to impair problem solving ability and leads to avoidance coping.
42. Biased implicit attitudes.
Psychologists use a test called the implicit association test to measure attitudes that people subconsciously hold. Results show people subconsciously associate fat with lazy etc.
It's useful to be mindful that you may suspiciously hold biased attitudes, then you can consciously correct for them.
43. The Peak-End Rule.
The tendency to most strongly remember (1) how you felt at the end of an experience, and (2) how you felt at the moment of peak emotional intensity during the experience. Biased memories can lead to biased future decision making.
44. The tendency to prefer familiar things.
Familiarity breeds liking, which is part of why people are brand loyal and may pay inflated prices for familiar brands vs. switching.
45. The belief you can multi-task.
35. Attributing strangers' behaviour to their character and not considering situational/contextual factors.
36. Failure to consider opportunity cost.
For example, spending an hour doing a low ROI task and thinking "it's only an hour" and not considering the lost potential of spending that hour doing a high ROI task.
37. Assumed similarity.
The tendency to assume other people hold similar attitudes to your own.
38. In-group bias.
The tendency to trust and value people who are like you, or who are in your circle, more than people from different backgrounds.
39. "You don't know what you don't know."
Getting external feedback can help you become aware of things you didn't even know that you didn't know!
40. The tendency to underestimate how long tasks will take.
41. The belief that worry and overthinking will lead to problem solving insights.
In fact, overthinking tends to impair problem solving ability and leads to avoidance coping.
42. Biased implicit attitudes.
Psychologists use a test called the implicit association test to measure attitudes that people subconsciously hold. Results show people subconsciously associate fat with lazy etc.
It's useful to be mindful that you may suspiciously hold biased attitudes, then you can consciously correct for them.
43. The Peak-End Rule.
The tendency to most strongly remember (1) how you felt at the end of an experience, and (2) how you felt at the moment of peak emotional intensity during the experience. Biased memories can lead to biased future decision making.
44. The tendency to prefer familiar things.
Familiarity breeds liking, which is part of why people are brand loyal and may pay inflated prices for familiar brands vs. switching.
45. The belief you can multi-task.
When you're multi-tasking you're actually task (and attention) shifting. Trying to focus on more than one goal at a time is self-sabotage.
46. Failure to recognise the cognitive benefits of restorative activities and activities that increase positive emotions.
For example, seeing humour or breaks as a waste of time.
47. Positively biased predictions.
For example, expecting that if you sign up to a one year gym membership you will go, if this hasn't been the case in the past.
48. Cheating on your goals based on positive behaviours you plan to do later.
For example, overeating today if you expect you'll be starting a diet next week. Often the planned positive behaviours don't happen.
49. Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results (or thinking that doubling-down on a failed strategy will start to produce positive results).
For example, expecting that if you nag more, your partner will change.
50. "I can't change my behaviour." (or "I can't change my thinking style.")
Instead of telling yourself "I can't," try asking yourself how you could shift your behaviour (or thinking style) by 5%.
How to Become Mindful of Your Cognitive Distortions?
Try printing this article and highlighting the cognitive distortions you think apply to you. I suggest you then pick one cognitive distortion at a time and keep a running list for a week of how that cognitive distortion manifests in your life.
Source: www.psychologytoday.com
Quote for the day
"Success is not built on success. It's built on failure. It's built on frustration. Sometimes its built on catastrophe." - Sumner Redstone
Friday, 22 July 2016
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)